"kickass safety tips"

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

It's no secret that the world is not a safe place to be these days, with all those crazed psychopaths and those good-for-nothing-50-cent-wannabe muggers out there.

Especially when things are getting so freakishly weird, with the most unimaginable crimes that people commit these days. Like that damned acid splasher who's still running amok in Malaysia. (Can someone please call Horatio Caine?) No one, I repeat, NO ONE can help you avoid these manic psychopaths out there, but yourself.

Don't know any martial arts, can't kick butt like Cameron Diaz and scared to the core?

Yes, the very first thing you've gotta be is the most paranoid person alive - this applied to only when you're walking in the car park or basement or some back alley ALONE. I always become really paranoid whenever I'm walking alone, in car parks especially. How do you turn on paranoid-mode? Just imagine someone's following you. Look at every passing person suspiciously (but not in an obvious, freakazoid way) even if it's an old lady. Keep a wide distance from every passing person, just in case. Always be prepared to run. If you successfully managed to get into your car, lock the doors immediately. It's a little dramatic but hey, at least you know you won't be the car park victim of the day. ;D

Scream - there's a 70% chance that someone might hear you.

All of us have instincts that will naturally tell us when something isn't right. But most of us don't really know when our instincts are telling us something, hence we need to switch to our self-intended paranoia mode (see above). But if in any case your instincts are telling you something is wrong, LISTEN to it, go another way or walk towards a crowded area. Common sense.

You don't need to carry a knife or a knuckle ring for protection all the time. Even pepper spray wouldn't help because most of us keeps these 'protection' items in our bags and by the time we manage to fumble them out to be used, we would've been mugged and slashed 28 times in a row already. Besides, carrying a knife in your bag is somewhat illegal. So, what do you do? Use what you already have.

Car keys - Pick the sharpest key and hold it between your index & middle finger. In case of an attack, stab the attacker on the chest or throat. Sounds brutal but it's either that or YOU.

High heels - For ladies, you know the damage your stilettos can inflict. If it slips off easily, take it off and use it. In fact, take both off; it's much easier to run away barefoot.

Pen - Every woman has a pen-like object in her bag, be it an actual pen or an eyeliner or mascara. Fish it out if you can and shove it up his nose.

Finger nails - Not just for ladies, but I know some men who keep relatively long finger nails. Use them and dig in, hard. Go for the eyes, the face, the throat.

Elbows - You don't need me to tell you that your elbows can hurt a person. Which is why those attackers in films always catch their victims by their arms first. If you're lucky to have your arms free, elbow them hard in the stomach, jaw or groin.

Stomp - If the attacker manage to catch ahold of your arms, don't panic, stomp on their feet. Stomp as hard as you can, as if your mom refused to buy you that LV bag you've always wanted. Stomp not once, not twice, but until they release you and then run and don't look back.

Accessories - Girls these days doll up in belts, hairbands, hair-pins, brooches. Take them off and use them. Belts are great as whips, brooches or hair-pins are best for stabbing. It's a life-threatening situation, use whatever you've got.

No matter what happens, if you feel that you can't fight your way through, just run for your life. The most important thing is to NOT look back. Think of all the times those helpless girls in movies looks back while running and what happens to them? They always fall down - because they're not watching the road. Or they end up getting caught - because when they look back and see that the chaser is so much closer than expected, they freak out and slow down. But most of the time, they just fall down. And that happens in real life. So don't look back and sabotage your own escape. Just run.

People always say, life over materials. Which is true to some extent, but for me, there's no way in hell I'm gonna give up all my stuff up without a fight. Think about it, robbers mostly target women because so many scared women out there have willingly thrown their bags to them, making it the easiest way to get rich. That's why more and more men are switching jobs to be robbers, because it's that easy! Right now, it's up to us to stand up and say enough, we're not that weak and stupid and you can take our stuff, but not without a good fight. Of course, everything depends on the situation, sometimes you just have to give up your stuff - especially at gun point.

If he points a knife at you
Hold your bag in front of you as a blocker in case he decides to stab you and scream at him to go away in the fiercest tone you can muster. Imagine yourself chasing your cheating partner out of the house. Always be alert for that moment when he thrusts the knife at you. Block with your bag and grab it out of his hands if you can but if not, use your bag and PUSH his knife-arm backwards as hard as you can and when he stumbles backwards, run.

If he's holding a bat or a long stick
Chances are he'll try to hit you in the head with it, be sure to protect your head with your arms (as painful as that may be). At this point you're probably helpless so try to divert him by throwing an item (wallet or phone) out of your bag a few feet away in hopes that he'll go pick it up. Then use that opportunity to run. If he doesn't, attack him when possible and look for an opportunity to escape, even if it means leaving your bag behind.

If he grabs you by the arm
Twist, jab, stab, bite, elbow - do whatever you can to free yourself. Spare no mercy and once you're free, end with a good punch to the face before you run off. If he grabs you and holds a knife to you, use your bag as a blocker and free yourself.

There are just way too many scenarios to list down, but you get the gist.

At gun point, it is best to just surrender your things - DON'T fight back.

Yes, you heard me. This comes in handy especially when all they want is your wallet. Your decoy wallet should contain a few small $1 notes, maybe about $10 in total, an old library card, an expired credit card, some useless name cards and some receipts. Looks like an actual wallet and it beats handing over your REAL wallet and cash stash.

The Decoy Wallet idea was derived from the the Anti-theft Lunch Bag idea. :D

Snatch thieves are usually really fast runners or road bikers. As a precaution, I always turn my paranoid-mode on when I'm walking by the roadsides or especially when I hear motorcycles approaching. Hold your bag facing towards the side away from the road and keep a firm grip on it. If in any case your bag gets snatched by a thief-on-foot, yank it as hard as you can and if it works, the thief would fall back and you can use that opportunity to beat the shit out of him. Release grip on your bag if it's snatched by a motorcyclist though, you don't want to be dragged along the roads, do you? Let it go. Always hold your bag as close to you as possible, avoid swinging or dangling your bag loosely from your hands. In summary, mind your bag & your surroundings.

The most common sort of theft in my country, the break-window-and-snatch operation. Stalled cars in traffic lights, especially women drivers are the main targets of these notorious window-breaking thieves. They'll break your window & snatch your bag from the seat. Double whammy. YOU can make a difference in avoiding this.

Place bags under your seat / out of sight
Don't display your expensive handbags on the passenger seats, those are the most obvious places to keep your bag for thieves to easily spot.

Do not stop your car by the side of the road
If in any case a thief or group of thieves breaks your window(s) or dents your car or even splash paint all over your windscreen; DO NOT stop your car. Drive straight to the nearest police station or gas station.

Lock your car doors at the gas station
You may think it's a safe area, but even thieving happens at gas stations despite it being a public space. Keep your car doors locked (with your bag stashed underneath your seat, out of sight).

They are the ninjas of the mugger-legion. They move so silently, you won't even know anything's gone until you need to use it. I have so many friends who have lost their cellphones and wallets to pick-pockets. They attack your bag in crowded places, where they would mostly succeed unnoticed. Remember to always keep your bag securely zipped up all the time, especially in public and crowded places. Know the weight of your bag well so that if anything goes missing (some pick-pockets are known for cutting a hole in your bag to retrieve your valuables) you would be able to feel it through the weight of your bag. Same goes for those of you who keep your things in your pockets. I would advise against keeping your wallets in your back pockets as I have a friend who lost his wallet that way.

I think that's the most I can think of. Overall, just be careful & alert, no matter where you are. Thieves and unholy beings are everywhere, you are responsible for your own loss. Unless you manage to find the sucker who stole from you.

Keep calm and stay safe!


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